Caving Draft 1
Where here. Nervous, But it was once in a life time opportunity. James started to talk and my heart started to bounce. Up. Down. Up. Down. "There's a spider." I said firmly trying to be brave. " Oh No!!!" A Parent said sarcastically. I creeped in to the deep dark spooky cave. Ba Boom, Ba Boom. My heart sung to me as I got deeper into the cave it got loader & Loader & loader.
I sharply shone my bright light up at the roof. There was something on the roof. Was it a spider? No. It was a weta. Eww. How many are there?? Like, 5? " Cooooool" shouts one of the boys. They are a bit smaller than a i-pod touch.
I stopped to search for crayfish. I saw one. " Look" I say fearlessly.
I calmly turned of my torch with everyone else to see the glow worms. "They are so cool."
Next minute I found myself crawling on my tummy, Squeezing down into the tight spaces. "I wanna go back" Zara says. "It's ok." Me & Maia say, Trying to encourage her to keep going. " I can't do it, I want to go back." She Says. Maia starts to crawl back with Zara & I am now left alone. In a, Dark, Pitch Black cave with only a torch. I see something what is that? I think to myself. It's bright. It's a light. I finished going thought that squishy cave. Me, Maia & Zara are finally Finished. We rose up from the cave with disbelief." Wow, I can't believe we did that." I Mumbled. We came back to all the boys eating biscuits. James kindly offers us all a biscuits. " Yes Please" We all say.
Caving Draft 3
Caving is our last activity & I have heard so much about it. Some people went a little Over the top, They said the Small space is as small as your albow to your hand. But it's not that small!
We're here. Nervous, But it was once in a life time opportunity. James started to talk and my heart started to bounce. Up. Down. Up. Down. "There's a spider." I said firmly trying to be brave. " Oh No!!!" A Parent said sarcastically. I creeped in to the deep dark spooky cave. Ba Boom, Ba Boom. My heart sang to me as I got deeper into the cave it got loader & Loader & loader.
I sharply shone my bright light up at the roof. There was something on the roof. Was it a spider? No. It was a weta. Eww. How many are there?? Like, 5? " Cooooool" shouts one of the boys. They are a bit smaller than a i-pod touch.
I stopped to search for crayfish. I saw one. " Look" I say fearlessly. They are grey now, But how come when you cook them they turn red???
I calmly turned of my torch with everyone else to see the glow worms. "They are so cool." I stated. They are as small as the tip of a pen.
All of a sudden I found myself crawling on my tummy, Squeezing down into the tight spaces. "I wanna go back" Zara says. "It's ok." Maia & I say, Trying to in courage her to keep going. " I can't do it, I want to go back." She Says. Maia starts to crawl back with Zara & I am now left alone. In a Dark, Pitch Black cave with only a torch. What is that? I think to myself.x It's bright. It's a light. I finished going thought that squishy cave. Maia, Zara & I are finally Finished. We rose up from the cave in disbelief. " WOW, We just went through a cave with no adults." I mumbled. We came back to all the boys eating biscuits. James kindly offers us all a biscuits. " Yes Please" We all say.
Self Assesment: I think I did well at having a first average draft to a pretty cool 2nd draft. Next time I could work a bit faster and do some work at home.
“Camp”
Purpose: To tell about an experience from camp, using short sentences to create suspense.
WALT: Entertain (recount)Task: To write a recount based on something scary or suspenseful that happened to you.
Criteria: I can | Peer Comment |
Descriptive vocabulary (words that help to SHOW the reader)
Language features (phrases that help paint a picture)
Sentences
Structure
| Name: Maia B Overall, how well do you think your learning partner has done?  Comment: Awesome story Georgia. I like how you used lots of speech marks. |
