Wednesday, 21 August 2013

The Scary Rip


Purpose: To tell about a scary experience, using short sentences to create suspense.
WALT: Entertain (recount)
Task: To write a recount based on something scary or suspenseful that happened to you.

Criteria: I canSelf Assessment
Peer Comment
Descriptive vocabulary (words that help to SHOW the reader)
  • use a range of verbs
  • use a variety of adverbs
Language features (phrases that help paint a picture)
  • select one or two similes
  • select one or two metaphors or personification
  • use onomatopoeia to show sounds (crash!)
  • select words that start with the same sound (alliteration)
  • use short sentences to create suspense
Overall, how well do you think your learning partner has done?

Comment: Your story is AMAZING!!! I liked the way you said “I walked up the smooth smooshy sand”

I think next time maybe  you could use a different word than AGAIN  

Your BFF Aroha =)

Short sentences

(giving non-living objects life-like qualities)
"Throwing up" - adverbial phrase
trickling, descending,
"Stretched to infinity"
"Typical." "CAUTION. Steep stairs. "Then she would be safe" Definitely.  It was getting cold.  The air was stale.

"The darkness swallowed" "Darkness choking" "rusted and dead"

"Dumps dotted"
down, down, down

The Dark Side

Trapped Under a big wave, Not again I thought to myself in shock. “Help mum” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Oh no not again, Another massive scary wave was coming. I better hold my breath AGAIN. Luckily I was wearing my best Friend, My life Jacket.

Awkwardly I tried swimming away from the rip but sadly Failing. Amazingly I was brave and did not panik. :)

“Help” I anxiously said. A brave lady in her 20’s came over grabbed my arm and pulled me towards mum. She showed great Kotahitanga.

Thankfully I Said “ Thanks A lot.” “Thats Ok” She Replied.She should be so proud. I thought to myself.

I walked up the smooth smooshy sand.I looked back behind myself  at the beach that can either be a gloomy beach or a dark beach like a dark clown watching over you like the Mona Lisa.


1 comment:

  1. Scary! Thank goodness for that lady! You have included short sentences and that creates suspense.